Not again.

Last night I drank too much. I took more shots to the head than JFK in a motorcade. Then I got a little too emotional and I left my ex a voicemail.

The next morning I woke up and realized that I recorded it, gave it a sick beat and sent it to Drizzy himself. Now it’s No. 1 on Apple Music.

It happens to the best us.

Drunk voicemails are a sacred national tradition, as American as apple pie or school shootings. But Drake doesn’t get enough credit for the fact that he singlehandedly revolutionized drunk voicemails back in 2011.

Typically, the ficial protocol is that there are 3 different types drunk voicemails when you’re calling your ex.

  1. ANGRY (“Fuck you, I hope you’re happy with Jonathan.”)
  2. ROMANTIC (“I miss you, I can treat you better than Jonathan.”)
  3. SEXUAL (“Come over, I wanna fuck you… and Jonathan.”)

But Drake changed the game when he dropped “Marvin’s Room” back in 2011, otherwise known as The Official Drunk Voicemail Anthem™️.

There’s a lot debate about whether it’s OK to kneel during the national anthem. I think it’s fine to kneel during the anthem but you should NEVER kneel during “Marvin’s Room.” Stand up and show some respect for this country.

But please, take this is a cautionary tale and drink responsibly. Otherwise, you might end up on a fire track next week.

This article was reprinted with permission by LA-based comedian Drew Landry. Follow Drew on Medium.